Life, Lemons and Lemonade ...

Life ...

All the good stuff that makes us happy. The things we feel accomplished from. The times we turn things around and the gratitude we feel when everything is alright.

That's the promise of life's lemons ... we can make lemonade out of them and that can be soooooo good!

Wait ... What happens to the rotten lemons? The lemons that can't even squeeze out a decent drop ... Do they just "roll on by" and go to some rotten lemon place?

No.

Lemons ...

Here's the truth. Some of us get rotten lemons. Not fit for consumption, not fit for lemonade and not full of any promises. Those of us with rotten lemons in our lives can feel isolated, unseen and hopeless. It's not about having a bad day, it's about something in your life that is so sour fucked-up that you can't even find words to describe how it makes you feel.

How about when we get rotten lemons for family? When we're young, we don't know what to do. We feel hurt, we feel pain and we feel shame. The journey through shame as a child can be crippling. It feels unfair, it feels heavy and it definitely feels rotten.

So what can we do? 

Try sorting your lemons. Find a place to separate those rotten lemons in your life. Most likely they have been so powerful  that they even have a voice that you replay in your head. "Why did I get a bad father?" "Why didn't my mom care?" "Why didn't I matter?" "I wish I was special." "I wish I had a family."

Lemonade ...

The truth about this "lemon thing" is ... you can have a good father by being one or marrying a man who is a good father to your children. You can have a mom that cares through who you marry or being one yourself. You are special and you do matter if you can find a way to love yourself. And ... go ahead and create the family you deserve.

Life, Lemons and Lemonade ... You get to choose.

What is beauty?

Beauty?

Imagine a world without reflection. NO way to know what we look like. No glass, No puddles, No cameras, No selfies, No good, bad, neutral or "magic" mirrors ...

Let's say I'm walking down the street and I see "you." I might entertain the thought that I look  just like "you." You might think you look like "me." Then what?

Well, firstly, we couldn't label each other. I can't think, "she's ..." because that means I'm "..." How great would that be? Think how lovely our world could be if we threw out judgement and mirrors ... We could just get up and go!

Beautiful!

What is beauty and why is it in the "eyes of the beholder?" ...  Isn't beauty what we radiate like the warmth from the sun? I don't mean physical, a face or body ... I'm talking about the beauty that comes from inside. The "light" that really draws us to people.  Now that's beauty! 

If we remembered that bodies are just the "vehicles" we were given to mobilize our spirit and soul ... we'd begin to see that judging and labeling a human being based on their physical appearance is comparable to us judging someone by the car they drive.

Silly!

It might be natural to assume that I'm only talking about judging people less fortunate in the "looks" department. No. That would be incomplete. "Beautiful" people get labeled just as much and is that any fairer?

 No!

I'll admit that I've done plenty of "judging" and I've been "judged" plenty of times. One thing for sure, neither feels good. I'm consciously changing that. First by trying to "catch myself" and second by trying to "deflect" the incoming bullshit from assholes others ...

You with me, beautiful !?!

I'll start Monday !?!

Who doesn't say that?


It's the day we use for goal-setting. As if Monday has some magic ingredient of will-power, grit and determination. "Monday, Monday ... so good to me?"

Survey says, Monday is not a "feel good" day for most people. Coming off of a weekend makes for a cranky Monday alarm and then there's returning to the "grind."

So let's look at why we say, "Monday" ... My theory is that it plays out in our minds like a wide open field with imaginary lines showing Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday that give us a false sense of empowerment that we can make it to Friday with some super-power that will get us to the next Monday so we won't fail have to start over again. 

Super-power you say? Yes, we really believe that we can resurrect that part of us that got us through the last challenge we couldn't face alone. For me, she can leap into action, identify danger zones, shield temptation with one hand and juggle emotions with the other.  She wears a red cape.

Can Monday be trusted? No!  Monday is fickle. A mirage in fact. Every Friday when Monday enters our minds, it's been waiting to sabotage our goals. Monday, Monday ... you ARE a false sense of hope.  Monday, Monday ... you can be a true sense of disparity.

So what should be done with Monday? Replace it. Relieve it of it's perpetual duty as the starting line to live life to the fullest. With Monday out of the way, Tuesday can happen free of guilt and shame for  "failing" at whatever it was you thought Monday would change ...

Monday, Monday ... Imagine the possibilities if Monday wasn't in play? New Job? Exercise? Healthy Eating? If Monday has held you back, here's the truth. Monday never really had that power.  Peel back the day and what will be left is you. The magnificent and powerful you ...


Monday, Monday ... Get out of my way!  You. Are. Just. Another. Day.

Portland to Coast Race Recap ... Weekend Warriors!

Oh ... What a Weekend!

132 mile relay from Portland to the Coast with a new walking team full of awe-some women split between two vans making our way across the Oregon Coast Range on foot!

The way it works is Van #1 starts the race and then after completing the first six legs, they hand off to Van #2, which then walks theirs and so on through 24 legs. In our case, Van #1 started at 5:45 a.m.

Here they are at the start ... On your mark, Get set, Go!

Go Van #1 Ladies!

So off they went and soon after, our van, minivan #2 started cross country to meet them at the first van exchange.  Unlike this van, ours was without a driver's window that rolled down and that provided unlimited comic relief for the trip.

I only knew one of my van-mates, but it didn't take long for that to be the past. We all had one thing in common, we were there to be a team, do our best, support each other and have a hell of a good time. So it started ...

Love these ladies!

So when I went to walk my legs, all I could think about was getting it done and doing my part for the team. I posted up my best walking times. I kicked my own ass and while I was gone, well ...

Par-Tay!

Oh, I wasn't the only one on the TEAM who kicked their own ass, look at these fierce warriors ...

Then there was this warrior and we found her doppelganger. Every time we saw this guy walking in a distance too far to make out anything but form and stride, we thought this was Alicia, aka "The Mustache Guy" ...

Nice form you two!

This recap would not be complete without exposing showing you the rest of the team ...

Van #2 Teamwork seen on left ...

There's a rumor that Van #1 can Chicken Dance ...

Time flew and so did we! Until next year, ladies ... 

Keep Walking!

Is Happiness your Fate?

Life

It hits us all in different ways. One thing that seems the same is none of us escape being broken and flawed in the process.

Broken

Being broken is an act of terror for most of us. Someone or something hurt us, manipulated us, exploited us or lied to us. Did they do that as an act of terror or were they simply paying it forward? Broken people seem to be stuck in a cycle.

Flawed

Nobody's perfect. Really, nobody! We all have flaws. We wouldn't if we could choose not to, but there are too many things that can go wrong before they go right.

So, if this is our life and we're broken and flawed, what do we do? First we take inventory of what we've done in the past. Has it worked? Did anything change? If you are not completely happy, the answer is likely, No. The reason for that is if something isn't changing, we need to change the dance.  

Sabotage 

Like sabotage. Do you want something really bad and when you get close to it, you blow it? Weight loss and relationships come to mind. What is with getting within 5 lbs. of a weight loss goal and diving head first into a tub of ice cream? Why when you've found the partner of your dreams do you create drama? Is it that you don't deserve happiness? No.

Fear

It's fear. Fear controls many of us. Fear of the past, fear of the present, fear of the unknown. How can we find freedom from our fears? The answer is in your mindfulness. Being mindful is being fully conscious of the present. What's behind you and what's ahead of you have nothing to do with what's in front of you.

What's in front of you is your power to do more than survive. Living is the next step after survival. Let go of the past and give yourself the chance to fully live.  LET GO OF THE PAST.

Fate

Do you tell yourself you want to be happy? What if happiness is your fate? Does that mess up your plans to sabotage yourself? Is that so deep of a subject that you need to dig yourself out? Relax. There's help.

Try this. Find that little guy that talks to you in your head and put him in charge of your thoughts. A "Hall Monitor" of sorts. He's now in charge of "catching" your thoughts. Once he's "caught" one it's time to question it. Here's the quiz:

1. Is it true?  2. Does it serve me?  

I find that 100% of my ill-willed and sabotaging thoughts are neither of those. "They don't care about me." Is that true? No. Does it serve me? No. "I'm fat." Is that true? No. Does it serve me? No. "I can't." "I'm not good enough." "I'll fail." ... You get the picture.

Happiness

Try this. "Can I change my behavior?" Yes. Will it serve me? Yes. "I deserve to be happy and in healthy, loving relationships with myself and others." Is that true? Yes. Does it serve me? Yes ...

Time to find your truths and let them serve you ...

Mirror, Mirror, Who is that in the Mirror?

I'm not going to lie to you. I've always hated mirrors. I never see what I want to see. I never feel what I want to feel. I just look and think, "oh well' ... I'll go on a diet and then I'll "look" better.

Isn't that what we think its all about? How we look? I've spent most my life being vain worried about how I look. I even had "Halloween Pants" for years. What the hell are those? This one pair of black pants that I would put on each year to measure my "worth."

Luckily, more years than not, they fit. I have no idea what happened to those pants. Pants that determined my worth should have had a ceremonial burning of some sort.  I wish I had those "Halloween Pants" now ...  Burn Fuckers, Burn!

How can a pair of stinking pants have so much power? They didn't. I gave it to them. I tortured myself worrying about what people thought of me. It has always been about THE PANTS!

What kind of pants? "Magic Pants" ... The pair I thought I looked skinnier okay in. In black. I'd be  afraid they'd go out of stock so I'd buy a few pairs in 3 different sizes for those "fluctuations" in my self esteem weight.

So as I lost weight this year, I was putting on those "magic pants" until they all fell off of me as I shrunk and people started asking me where I got them. "Those are so cute!" Okay, what the hell happened? I'd worn that size those pants before. No one except me said they were cute. Truth is they were all of a sudden "cute" because the "magic" was that my shape changed.

So yesterday I passed a mirror in a store. I saw an image and thought, "Is that me?" I looked around to see if anyone was watching and walked back in front of the mirror. There I was in my shorts. I saw my front, my side, my front, my butt, my side. You get the idea.

It was me! I looked athletic. I looked strong and lean. I looked healthy.

I came back to the beach house and told Tim what happened. I told him how athletic I looked. He said, "I know." I told him how my shape had changed. He said, "I know." I told him how happy I am. He said, "I know." He always knows.

That mirror was a who needs "Magic Pants"moment. It's about being Strong and Healthy. It's about Feeling Good. It's about Loving Myself ...

Who was in that mirror? Just Me!

Happy Monday ... A Weekend Recap!

Hey, Happy 7th of July!

What's that mean? That means the 4th of July weekend is over. Time to put away your stars and stripes diaper t-shirt and other patriotic gizmos until next year ...

I hope everyone had a great weekend. If facebook was any indication of what my friends and family were up to, it was eating, drinking, more drinking and as my friend Karin posted, blowing shit up!

What did I do? Well, first off on Friday I put on my "Team Jeb" tie dyed shirt and walked with my friend in our local parade. What's "Team Jeb?" It's friends that walk in the Relay for Life to raise money for Cancer research. Who's Jeb? He was this larger than life friend that lost his battle with cancer and I had the honor of walking with his wife and my friend, Joan. We really miss him!

The parade was full of local families and businesses showing off their 4th of July spirit. I had a favorite. Check out this awesome Dad and his kids. Happy Birthday, America! Land of the Superheroes ... F' Yeah!

The rest of the day I spent by myself doing this and that. Tim was at work, Jessi had plans and so I hung with the "Golden Girls." Once it started to get dark, we retreated to our basement and waited out the Ka Booms! Our City has a huge firework display and it's about six blocks from our house, so it. is. loud. !!!

Saturday was great. I went solo to my Sister In-Law's Sister's 70th it's only a number surprise birthday party and was able to catch up with everyone and all my favorite nieces and nephews. Tim was at work, again! Oh bother. Soon we can attend everything together as he will have his pesky J.O.B. out of the way.

Sunday we took off for Beach Bum Headquarters, (BBHQ) and we'll be here a few days. The girls snuggled on the way here ... Love these two!

Have a great week, everyone!

Goodbye, June ...

Wow, how did this become the last day of June?

It seems like this month flew by faster than any I can recently remember. It had it's ups and downs, but most importantly, it's ending way up!


Let's start with that. I spent yesterday going to a Race Walk Class and then to the Farmer's Market, sampling salted caramel chocolate, buying berries and hazelnuts and topping it off with coffee and a four hour conversation outside a cafe with my favorite girl, Jessi!

This month I also ate my way to a total of 47 lbs. lost since April 2013 and I feel like a million bucks. Not because I've lost weight, but because I have created a new life for myself by nourishing and resting my body while staying active and lifting weights. I feel so strong and healthy. This month I had my first "Gun Show."

So how is it that I don't feel a day over 30 and our son had his 30th birthday this month? Matt turned 30 and it's not working for me hard to believe! I'm grateful that we spent a week with him in Belize. Thanks, Lizzie! We really missed him on his birthday so Tim and I set out to celebrate him at his favorite restaurant. The parents go to Fire on the Mountain and we had a blast.

I can't let the 30th of June go by without mentioning that Tim has 3 months left until he retires! Tim has 3 months left until he retires !!! That's 44 actual work days with strategically planned vacations to make it easier while waiting for the magic day, September 30th! Retirement, here we come!

I can't leave out Belize. A wonderful week in paradise with our entire family and beautiful Lizzie. It was a trip of a lifetime and we made memories that will forever be with us. Goodbye, June ... Belize was great and so were you!

Almost Retired!

Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying ...

Hey, It's Monday and I have a lot to share!


Let's kick off this week with my favorite movie quote ... That's right. It doesn't matter how old or young we are. We have to "get busy Living or get busy Dying."

What is Living?
Is it merely survival and making our way through life or is it the leaps of faith and risks we take to have more? I don't mean more stuff. Anyone can have stuff. It's the more that starts you on this journey called life that you can write your own happy ending. It starts with dreaming. Dream small, Dream big, but most importantly ...  Dream!

  
What is Dying? 
Is it that space where our soul leaves our body and we find our eternal peace or is it perpetual dying where we feel flat, uninspired, helpless and doubtful of our future? I've been there and I know it's not easy to emerge from. There's that place I find within myself, she's youthful and she knows she has to
... Believe!

For me, getting busy living is how I'm taking up my space on this earth. Am I kind? Am I productive? Am I creative and inspired? Am I vulnerable? Am I happy? Because when I'm all of those, I help others live, too. It's uplifting to my own spirit to lift up another human being. Bar none.

So if we're talking about living and dying. Consider this. What if our own non religious personal heaven or hell is right now? We all have those images of the passing through the pearly gates or the clutches of the grim reaper pulling souls into hell. What if this is your heaven or hell on earth?  Are we in a dress rehearsal for what's to come or are we on that stage now and isn't now all that matters?

Shawshank Redemption doesn't only have my favorite quote, it also has this powerful message. When Red was asked by the Parole Board why he should be released, he resolved to his own truth. He told that guy he didn't give a shit if they thought he was reformed. What was important is that he'd talk to that kid. He'd teach him by sharing his wisdom. He'd stop the noise in that young mans head and tell him it's going to be alright. It's going to be alright ...

So talk to yourself. No matter our age, we've all lived a lot of life. It's a very powerful thing to realize what we already know can help shape our own future. We may not know what we want, but we can certainly start with what we don't want. And share. We all have experiences that we can help someone with. Look for opportunities to ease another person's burden with your story. Be relevant in people's lives.

I leave you this Monday with one challenge thought. Find a moment to concentrate on one thing, breathing. Close your eyes and take some deep breaths today. Feel the air travel from your lungs into your brain. Fuel that "think-er" and energize it with breath, not thoughts.  Then Dream ...


~ First Blog via my new MacBook ~

Are you a Human Be-ing or a Human Do-ing?

 Slowing down and having balance is something I've struggled with most of my life. Having two kids in 6 sports, coaching, assistant coaching and score keeping while trying to make a living starting and running our own business for 22 years with all the chores as the Woman CEO of our home was exhausting.

Add to that my compulsiveness fear of failing at anything everything and you have a recipe for an Angie that forgot to "stop and smell the roses," even while she was surrounded by them. I'm not saying to not be busy. Hell, go for it. Dream Big and be what you want to be, get what you want to get and Kick Ass doing it.

So how is it possible to balance all that and add in your well be-ing? That is a mountain that many people climb their entire life. That consuming feeling of not having enough hours in the day and even if your wish was granted by some "hour fairy," you'd still need more. As long as you're do-ing, do-ing, do-ing and not being mindful of just be-ing, this will be your never ending story ...

What is be-ing? That's the place where you find your gaps in the day. That little place in your world where everything stops shouting spinning and you notice things just got quiet if only for a few seconds. Be-ing is recharging your batteries, surrendering to the universe and being present in the moment. Even if it's just one moment, seize it and keep it as simple as one (1) extra minute in the shower, putting it on idle in the grocery store line, parking further away for just a few more steps in the way to work ...

And don't forget to play. Work hard and play hard. Have some fun. Be happy. Be a kid. Kids can teach us a lot about be-ing and enjoying our lives. So, have a great day and ...