How's your day?

Hey, How's your day? 

That's a question we all ask and get asked way too little. We can be walking with a storm in our heads, emotions that are exhausted and with life's twists and turns that have left us limp. On top of that, we can be lonely in any given moment.

So that's our side, but what about the other people that cross our paths? The people who wait on us, the people we live with, those we work with, for and against. What about that stranger who's moving slow or without intention. Are they just slow? 

No. 

It just may be that they have nowhere to go or if they did, they don't want to make it there anytime soon. There are those things in life that we wish would be gone by the time we get there.

This week I was at an appointment and the person who I encountered was harsh. Maybe she was having a bad day, maybe that was just her authentic self. Either way, I was having the kind of month day that left little room for harsh. After the appointment, I went to the parking structure and I sat in my car for about an hour staring at the rain ... 

I really don't know why I did that other than I was deflated and could not bring myself to start the car. You see, I've been going through some very difficult things and the way the person acted set me into a sort of paralysis that I don't experience too often.

So ...

Since then, I've put some thought into this. What was it? Was it that she was harsh or was it that I was sensitive? She was harsh. Was it that she made a spectacle in front of other people?

No.

It was because she never ever took me into account. She was so busy and in such a hurry that she was larger than the room. The truth of that is she didn't even see me.

She didn't know that if she had,  she might have been prompted to ask me how my day was going. I would of told her, "Not so good." Maybe then we could have slow danced and there would have been some give and take. Maybe then I could have breathed. 

We've all been on both sides of this equation. We all know how bad it feels to be invisible when we really need to be seen. This is just a reminder that we should pause and look at who we're with. See their eyes, their expression, their spirit and add these three simple words ...

 How's your day?

Life, Lemons and Lemonade ...

Life ...

All the good stuff that makes us happy. The things we feel accomplished from. The times we turn things around and the gratitude we feel when everything is alright.

That's the promise of life's lemons ... we can make lemonade out of them and that can be soooooo good!

Wait ... What happens to the rotten lemons? The lemons that can't even squeeze out a decent drop ... Do they just "roll on by" and go to some rotten lemon place?

No.

Lemons ...

Here's the truth. Some of us get rotten lemons. Not fit for consumption, not fit for lemonade and not full of any promises. Those of us with rotten lemons in our lives can feel isolated, unseen and hopeless. It's not about having a bad day, it's about something in your life that is so sour fucked-up that you can't even find words to describe how it makes you feel.

How about when we get rotten lemons for family? When we're young, we don't know what to do. We feel hurt, we feel pain and we feel shame. The journey through shame as a child can be crippling. It feels unfair, it feels heavy and it definitely feels rotten.

So what can we do? 

Try sorting your lemons. Find a place to separate those rotten lemons in your life. Most likely they have been so powerful  that they even have a voice that you replay in your head. "Why did I get a bad father?" "Why didn't my mom care?" "Why didn't I matter?" "I wish I was special." "I wish I had a family."

Lemonade ...

The truth about this "lemon thing" is ... you can have a good father by being one or marrying a man who is a good father to your children. You can have a mom that cares through who you marry or being one yourself. You are special and you do matter if you can find a way to love yourself. And ... go ahead and create the family you deserve.

Life, Lemons and Lemonade ... You get to choose.

I'll start Monday !?!

Who doesn't say that?


It's the day we use for goal-setting. As if Monday has some magic ingredient of will-power, grit and determination. "Monday, Monday ... so good to me?"

Survey says, Monday is not a "feel good" day for most people. Coming off of a weekend makes for a cranky Monday alarm and then there's returning to the "grind."

So let's look at why we say, "Monday" ... My theory is that it plays out in our minds like a wide open field with imaginary lines showing Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday that give us a false sense of empowerment that we can make it to Friday with some super-power that will get us to the next Monday so we won't fail have to start over again. 

Super-power you say? Yes, we really believe that we can resurrect that part of us that got us through the last challenge we couldn't face alone. For me, she can leap into action, identify danger zones, shield temptation with one hand and juggle emotions with the other.  She wears a red cape.

Can Monday be trusted? No!  Monday is fickle. A mirage in fact. Every Friday when Monday enters our minds, it's been waiting to sabotage our goals. Monday, Monday ... you ARE a false sense of hope.  Monday, Monday ... you can be a true sense of disparity.

So what should be done with Monday? Replace it. Relieve it of it's perpetual duty as the starting line to live life to the fullest. With Monday out of the way, Tuesday can happen free of guilt and shame for  "failing" at whatever it was you thought Monday would change ...

Monday, Monday ... Imagine the possibilities if Monday wasn't in play? New Job? Exercise? Healthy Eating? If Monday has held you back, here's the truth. Monday never really had that power.  Peel back the day and what will be left is you. The magnificent and powerful you ...


Monday, Monday ... Get out of my way!  You. Are. Just. Another. Day.

Mirror, Mirror, Who is that in the Mirror?

I'm not going to lie to you. I've always hated mirrors. I never see what I want to see. I never feel what I want to feel. I just look and think, "oh well' ... I'll go on a diet and then I'll "look" better.

Isn't that what we think its all about? How we look? I've spent most my life being vain worried about how I look. I even had "Halloween Pants" for years. What the hell are those? This one pair of black pants that I would put on each year to measure my "worth."

Luckily, more years than not, they fit. I have no idea what happened to those pants. Pants that determined my worth should have had a ceremonial burning of some sort.  I wish I had those "Halloween Pants" now ...  Burn Fuckers, Burn!

How can a pair of stinking pants have so much power? They didn't. I gave it to them. I tortured myself worrying about what people thought of me. It has always been about THE PANTS!

What kind of pants? "Magic Pants" ... The pair I thought I looked skinnier okay in. In black. I'd be  afraid they'd go out of stock so I'd buy a few pairs in 3 different sizes for those "fluctuations" in my self esteem weight.

So as I lost weight this year, I was putting on those "magic pants" until they all fell off of me as I shrunk and people started asking me where I got them. "Those are so cute!" Okay, what the hell happened? I'd worn that size those pants before. No one except me said they were cute. Truth is they were all of a sudden "cute" because the "magic" was that my shape changed.

So yesterday I passed a mirror in a store. I saw an image and thought, "Is that me?" I looked around to see if anyone was watching and walked back in front of the mirror. There I was in my shorts. I saw my front, my side, my front, my butt, my side. You get the idea.

It was me! I looked athletic. I looked strong and lean. I looked healthy.

I came back to the beach house and told Tim what happened. I told him how athletic I looked. He said, "I know." I told him how my shape had changed. He said, "I know." I told him how happy I am. He said, "I know." He always knows.

That mirror was a who needs "Magic Pants"moment. It's about being Strong and Healthy. It's about Feeling Good. It's about Loving Myself ...

Who was in that mirror? Just Me!

Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying ...

Hey, It's Monday and I have a lot to share!


Let's kick off this week with my favorite movie quote ... That's right. It doesn't matter how old or young we are. We have to "get busy Living or get busy Dying."

What is Living?
Is it merely survival and making our way through life or is it the leaps of faith and risks we take to have more? I don't mean more stuff. Anyone can have stuff. It's the more that starts you on this journey called life that you can write your own happy ending. It starts with dreaming. Dream small, Dream big, but most importantly ...  Dream!

  
What is Dying? 
Is it that space where our soul leaves our body and we find our eternal peace or is it perpetual dying where we feel flat, uninspired, helpless and doubtful of our future? I've been there and I know it's not easy to emerge from. There's that place I find within myself, she's youthful and she knows she has to
... Believe!

For me, getting busy living is how I'm taking up my space on this earth. Am I kind? Am I productive? Am I creative and inspired? Am I vulnerable? Am I happy? Because when I'm all of those, I help others live, too. It's uplifting to my own spirit to lift up another human being. Bar none.

So if we're talking about living and dying. Consider this. What if our own non religious personal heaven or hell is right now? We all have those images of the passing through the pearly gates or the clutches of the grim reaper pulling souls into hell. What if this is your heaven or hell on earth?  Are we in a dress rehearsal for what's to come or are we on that stage now and isn't now all that matters?

Shawshank Redemption doesn't only have my favorite quote, it also has this powerful message. When Red was asked by the Parole Board why he should be released, he resolved to his own truth. He told that guy he didn't give a shit if they thought he was reformed. What was important is that he'd talk to that kid. He'd teach him by sharing his wisdom. He'd stop the noise in that young mans head and tell him it's going to be alright. It's going to be alright ...

So talk to yourself. No matter our age, we've all lived a lot of life. It's a very powerful thing to realize what we already know can help shape our own future. We may not know what we want, but we can certainly start with what we don't want. And share. We all have experiences that we can help someone with. Look for opportunities to ease another person's burden with your story. Be relevant in people's lives.

I leave you this Monday with one challenge thought. Find a moment to concentrate on one thing, breathing. Close your eyes and take some deep breaths today. Feel the air travel from your lungs into your brain. Fuel that "think-er" and energize it with breath, not thoughts.  Then Dream ...


~ First Blog via my new MacBook ~