Is Happiness your Fate?

Life

It hits us all in different ways. One thing that seems the same is none of us escape being broken and flawed in the process.

Broken

Being broken is an act of terror for most of us. Someone or something hurt us, manipulated us, exploited us or lied to us. Did they do that as an act of terror or were they simply paying it forward? Broken people seem to be stuck in a cycle.

Flawed

Nobody's perfect. Really, nobody! We all have flaws. We wouldn't if we could choose not to, but there are too many things that can go wrong before they go right.

So, if this is our life and we're broken and flawed, what do we do? First we take inventory of what we've done in the past. Has it worked? Did anything change? If you are not completely happy, the answer is likely, No. The reason for that is if something isn't changing, we need to change the dance.  

Sabotage 

Like sabotage. Do you want something really bad and when you get close to it, you blow it? Weight loss and relationships come to mind. What is with getting within 5 lbs. of a weight loss goal and diving head first into a tub of ice cream? Why when you've found the partner of your dreams do you create drama? Is it that you don't deserve happiness? No.

Fear

It's fear. Fear controls many of us. Fear of the past, fear of the present, fear of the unknown. How can we find freedom from our fears? The answer is in your mindfulness. Being mindful is being fully conscious of the present. What's behind you and what's ahead of you have nothing to do with what's in front of you.

What's in front of you is your power to do more than survive. Living is the next step after survival. Let go of the past and give yourself the chance to fully live.  LET GO OF THE PAST.

Fate

Do you tell yourself you want to be happy? What if happiness is your fate? Does that mess up your plans to sabotage yourself? Is that so deep of a subject that you need to dig yourself out? Relax. There's help.

Try this. Find that little guy that talks to you in your head and put him in charge of your thoughts. A "Hall Monitor" of sorts. He's now in charge of "catching" your thoughts. Once he's "caught" one it's time to question it. Here's the quiz:

1. Is it true?  2. Does it serve me?  

I find that 100% of my ill-willed and sabotaging thoughts are neither of those. "They don't care about me." Is that true? No. Does it serve me? No. "I'm fat." Is that true? No. Does it serve me? No. "I can't." "I'm not good enough." "I'll fail." ... You get the picture.

Happiness

Try this. "Can I change my behavior?" Yes. Will it serve me? Yes. "I deserve to be happy and in healthy, loving relationships with myself and others." Is that true? Yes. Does it serve me? Yes ...

Time to find your truths and let them serve you ...

Mirror, Mirror, Who is that in the Mirror?

I'm not going to lie to you. I've always hated mirrors. I never see what I want to see. I never feel what I want to feel. I just look and think, "oh well' ... I'll go on a diet and then I'll "look" better.

Isn't that what we think its all about? How we look? I've spent most my life being vain worried about how I look. I even had "Halloween Pants" for years. What the hell are those? This one pair of black pants that I would put on each year to measure my "worth."

Luckily, more years than not, they fit. I have no idea what happened to those pants. Pants that determined my worth should have had a ceremonial burning of some sort.  I wish I had those "Halloween Pants" now ...  Burn Fuckers, Burn!

How can a pair of stinking pants have so much power? They didn't. I gave it to them. I tortured myself worrying about what people thought of me. It has always been about THE PANTS!

What kind of pants? "Magic Pants" ... The pair I thought I looked skinnier okay in. In black. I'd be  afraid they'd go out of stock so I'd buy a few pairs in 3 different sizes for those "fluctuations" in my self esteem weight.

So as I lost weight this year, I was putting on those "magic pants" until they all fell off of me as I shrunk and people started asking me where I got them. "Those are so cute!" Okay, what the hell happened? I'd worn that size those pants before. No one except me said they were cute. Truth is they were all of a sudden "cute" because the "magic" was that my shape changed.

So yesterday I passed a mirror in a store. I saw an image and thought, "Is that me?" I looked around to see if anyone was watching and walked back in front of the mirror. There I was in my shorts. I saw my front, my side, my front, my butt, my side. You get the idea.

It was me! I looked athletic. I looked strong and lean. I looked healthy.

I came back to the beach house and told Tim what happened. I told him how athletic I looked. He said, "I know." I told him how my shape had changed. He said, "I know." I told him how happy I am. He said, "I know." He always knows.

That mirror was a who needs "Magic Pants"moment. It's about being Strong and Healthy. It's about Feeling Good. It's about Loving Myself ...

Who was in that mirror? Just Me!

Goodbye, June ...

Wow, how did this become the last day of June?

It seems like this month flew by faster than any I can recently remember. It had it's ups and downs, but most importantly, it's ending way up!


Let's start with that. I spent yesterday going to a Race Walk Class and then to the Farmer's Market, sampling salted caramel chocolate, buying berries and hazelnuts and topping it off with coffee and a four hour conversation outside a cafe with my favorite girl, Jessi!

This month I also ate my way to a total of 47 lbs. lost since April 2013 and I feel like a million bucks. Not because I've lost weight, but because I have created a new life for myself by nourishing and resting my body while staying active and lifting weights. I feel so strong and healthy. This month I had my first "Gun Show."

So how is it that I don't feel a day over 30 and our son had his 30th birthday this month? Matt turned 30 and it's not working for me hard to believe! I'm grateful that we spent a week with him in Belize. Thanks, Lizzie! We really missed him on his birthday so Tim and I set out to celebrate him at his favorite restaurant. The parents go to Fire on the Mountain and we had a blast.

I can't let the 30th of June go by without mentioning that Tim has 3 months left until he retires! Tim has 3 months left until he retires !!! That's 44 actual work days with strategically planned vacations to make it easier while waiting for the magic day, September 30th! Retirement, here we come!

I can't leave out Belize. A wonderful week in paradise with our entire family and beautiful Lizzie. It was a trip of a lifetime and we made memories that will forever be with us. Goodbye, June ... Belize was great and so were you!

Almost Retired!

Oh Paleo! You are so hard to explain to people ...

Today I've decide to find the  f word courage to talk about what happens when I say I eat Paleo ...

A year ago I Changed my Life.

I decided to get healthy by becoming an athlete instead of worrying about being skinny. I first started walking 25 miles a week, then I found a Personal Trainer to help me get strong and changed how I nourish my body. 

People ask me about how I eat all the time. I eat Paleo. First response is usually, "Oh that fad caveman diet thingy?" I politely respond, "It's a lifestyle change for me." From there it's quick to assess whether or not they're really interested in the journey I'm on or if my answer should just be "I don't eat Bread." That pretty much gets this response ...

Why do people think it's a fad? Well, because they I have been on so many yo yo diets, so why would this be any different? You know who I'm talking about, those well meaning judges people who are seemingly interested in your weight health by calling you out on your "diet" and don't seem to understand that it can feel like this ...

I'm not saying that Paleo is the only way to go. I'm not suggesting that you should eat Paleo. Each person has their own journey and no two can be the same. Paleo for me is a bounty of healthy foods. I eat meat, eggs, veggies, healthy oils, some fruit and nuts, greek yogurt and a little cheese. I drink water, coffee, tea, red wine and an occasional beer. I use a little honey as a sweetener once in awhile. What I don't eat is grains, legumes, sugar, most dairy and anything fat free, sugar free, canned or boxed. It sure cuts down on reading labels. I know, I know ...

So crazy that I've lost 45 lbs. I wake up knowing I'm on the right track. I'm not where I want to be yet, but I don't have any more anxiety about what clothes I'm going to put on, what they'll look like, who will judge me or if I should just give up and "Call in Fat!" I'm not saying I'm free from the naysayer and party pooper in my head. I'm saying that for me, Paleo has changed my life because I don't even think about what foods I don't eat ... I just eat!

Yep, Just what I said. I just eat. No calorie counting, No measuring, No exchanges ... Just eating fresh foods that give me the energy I need to do the things I want. So the question is ... Would I have believed myself a year ago? Probably not. I did believe her, though ...

                                    My Trainer, Deb 54 years Young

Me ... 54 years Young

Thanks for listening to what it feels like people go through when we try to explain Paleo. Someday it could become mainstream and who knows, maybe even up there with the Herbivores ...


I do miss Toast, who wouldn't?