Mirror, Mirror, Who is that in the Mirror?

I'm not going to lie to you. I've always hated mirrors. I never see what I want to see. I never feel what I want to feel. I just look and think, "oh well' ... I'll go on a diet and then I'll "look" better.

Isn't that what we think its all about? How we look? I've spent most my life being vain worried about how I look. I even had "Halloween Pants" for years. What the hell are those? This one pair of black pants that I would put on each year to measure my "worth."

Luckily, more years than not, they fit. I have no idea what happened to those pants. Pants that determined my worth should have had a ceremonial burning of some sort.  I wish I had those "Halloween Pants" now ...  Burn Fuckers, Burn!

How can a pair of stinking pants have so much power? They didn't. I gave it to them. I tortured myself worrying about what people thought of me. It has always been about THE PANTS!

What kind of pants? "Magic Pants" ... The pair I thought I looked skinnier okay in. In black. I'd be  afraid they'd go out of stock so I'd buy a few pairs in 3 different sizes for those "fluctuations" in my self esteem weight.

So as I lost weight this year, I was putting on those "magic pants" until they all fell off of me as I shrunk and people started asking me where I got them. "Those are so cute!" Okay, what the hell happened? I'd worn that size those pants before. No one except me said they were cute. Truth is they were all of a sudden "cute" because the "magic" was that my shape changed.

So yesterday I passed a mirror in a store. I saw an image and thought, "Is that me?" I looked around to see if anyone was watching and walked back in front of the mirror. There I was in my shorts. I saw my front, my side, my front, my butt, my side. You get the idea.

It was me! I looked athletic. I looked strong and lean. I looked healthy.

I came back to the beach house and told Tim what happened. I told him how athletic I looked. He said, "I know." I told him how my shape had changed. He said, "I know." I told him how happy I am. He said, "I know." He always knows.

That mirror was a who needs "Magic Pants"moment. It's about being Strong and Healthy. It's about Feeling Good. It's about Loving Myself ...

Who was in that mirror? Just Me!

Goodbye, June ...

Wow, how did this become the last day of June?

It seems like this month flew by faster than any I can recently remember. It had it's ups and downs, but most importantly, it's ending way up!


Let's start with that. I spent yesterday going to a Race Walk Class and then to the Farmer's Market, sampling salted caramel chocolate, buying berries and hazelnuts and topping it off with coffee and a four hour conversation outside a cafe with my favorite girl, Jessi!

This month I also ate my way to a total of 47 lbs. lost since April 2013 and I feel like a million bucks. Not because I've lost weight, but because I have created a new life for myself by nourishing and resting my body while staying active and lifting weights. I feel so strong and healthy. This month I had my first "Gun Show."

So how is it that I don't feel a day over 30 and our son had his 30th birthday this month? Matt turned 30 and it's not working for me hard to believe! I'm grateful that we spent a week with him in Belize. Thanks, Lizzie! We really missed him on his birthday so Tim and I set out to celebrate him at his favorite restaurant. The parents go to Fire on the Mountain and we had a blast.

I can't let the 30th of June go by without mentioning that Tim has 3 months left until he retires! Tim has 3 months left until he retires !!! That's 44 actual work days with strategically planned vacations to make it easier while waiting for the magic day, September 30th! Retirement, here we come!

I can't leave out Belize. A wonderful week in paradise with our entire family and beautiful Lizzie. It was a trip of a lifetime and we made memories that will forever be with us. Goodbye, June ... Belize was great and so were you!

Almost Retired!

Oh Paleo! You are so hard to explain to people ...

Today I've decide to find the  f word courage to talk about what happens when I say I eat Paleo ...

A year ago I Changed my Life.

I decided to get healthy by becoming an athlete instead of worrying about being skinny. I first started walking 25 miles a week, then I found a Personal Trainer to help me get strong and changed how I nourish my body. 

People ask me about how I eat all the time. I eat Paleo. First response is usually, "Oh that fad caveman diet thingy?" I politely respond, "It's a lifestyle change for me." From there it's quick to assess whether or not they're really interested in the journey I'm on or if my answer should just be "I don't eat Bread." That pretty much gets this response ...

Why do people think it's a fad? Well, because they I have been on so many yo yo diets, so why would this be any different? You know who I'm talking about, those well meaning judges people who are seemingly interested in your weight health by calling you out on your "diet" and don't seem to understand that it can feel like this ...

I'm not saying that Paleo is the only way to go. I'm not suggesting that you should eat Paleo. Each person has their own journey and no two can be the same. Paleo for me is a bounty of healthy foods. I eat meat, eggs, veggies, healthy oils, some fruit and nuts, greek yogurt and a little cheese. I drink water, coffee, tea, red wine and an occasional beer. I use a little honey as a sweetener once in awhile. What I don't eat is grains, legumes, sugar, most dairy and anything fat free, sugar free, canned or boxed. It sure cuts down on reading labels. I know, I know ...

So crazy that I've lost 45 lbs. I wake up knowing I'm on the right track. I'm not where I want to be yet, but I don't have any more anxiety about what clothes I'm going to put on, what they'll look like, who will judge me or if I should just give up and "Call in Fat!" I'm not saying I'm free from the naysayer and party pooper in my head. I'm saying that for me, Paleo has changed my life because I don't even think about what foods I don't eat ... I just eat!

Yep, Just what I said. I just eat. No calorie counting, No measuring, No exchanges ... Just eating fresh foods that give me the energy I need to do the things I want. So the question is ... Would I have believed myself a year ago? Probably not. I did believe her, though ...

                                    My Trainer, Deb 54 years Young

Me ... 54 years Young

Thanks for listening to what it feels like people go through when we try to explain Paleo. Someday it could become mainstream and who knows, maybe even up there with the Herbivores ...


I do miss Toast, who wouldn't?

F' Yeah!

 It's my 2nd Blog and I'm already experiencing brain activity "blog brain." Ideas racing into my head, here, there and everywhere. So to "keep it simple" and not approach this in any organized way, I've decided to tell you a little more about Me.

At 54, I'm just starting my life. There is so much to do and learn. I can see myself tackling new challenges, finding new interests and if I'm to "sail into the sunset," I hope there's an umbrella in my drink.

This past year I've been on a journey. I threw out all my failures old patterns and adopted a new lifestyle. I started by walking 25 miles a week. How did I do that? Simple, I bought rain gear as it was still winter in Oregon and I laced up my shoes and literally put one foot in front of the other.

After 300 miles, I joined a Gym. No ordinary gym. No cardio machines, No hot tub and No meat market social aspect ... Just me and my awesome trainer, Deb. It's Conditioning, Weight Lifting, Squats, Planks, Lunges,Tire Flipping and ... well, you get it.

At the same time I cleaned up my eating and as a result, I lost 45 lbs in 9 months. I'm now at one year and after the last 3 months of continued weightlifting, eating paleo and "staying the course," I've gained 6 lbs., while dropping 2 pant sizes, trading in my fat for muscle and becoming Strong a Bad Ass!

This didn't come easy. I had to recondition my mind to focus on being strong and healthy and fire that nasty little fella in my head that continually tried to sabotage me. I learned to be honest with myself. Something I've never had the courage to do. I'm now kind to myself and that in itself is a miracle.

Things that make me happy are waking up knowing I'm healthy, strong, confident, energetic and that even though I have a Long Way To Go ... I'm on track. My journey has just begun, one year in and a lifetime to go ... There's no expiration date stamped on this girl, so I better just go for it!

I'll leave you today with what I say at the Gym every time I make myself proud, a Big "F Yeah" !!!

Daring Greatly

Hi! 

I’m a newbie to blogging, but no stranger to writing stories in my head. I have a book or few in me, but I never get past doodling on a page. This is my first attempt at writing publicly and I'm a lot little nervous and for me, this is Daring Greatly.

I’m a young woman who never stops dreaming. In seven decades, I’ve survived Childhood, Motherhood and Menopause. I spent all of 2013 reaching back for the woman I was pre-kiddo's and brought her up to speed. As a result, I got healthy and almost have my 30 year old body back with a 54 year old mind to appreciate it. Yes, In November I’ll be a Speed Limit, 55! 

I’ve been married to Tim for 30 years and he’s my best friend and the love of my life. He’s tall, handsome and funny. “Shit Dad Says!” We have 2 adult children, Matt who’s 29 and Jessi who’s 26. Being a Mom is my proudest accomplishment and they make it easy. Our 2 canine children are the “Golden Girls,” Bailey and Bella.

Things that make me happy are my retirement for the past 6 years, being Mrs. Tall, Handsome and Funny, a Mom, a great cup of Coffee, Friends and Palm Trees.

 I love having conversations over a cup of jo and that’s how I plan to format my Blog. I hope you’ll get comfortable and we can enjoy the aroma of a nice brew ...

I’m a person who reads a magazine from back to front, to multi task is second nature and I have A. Lot. To. Say. 

I want to share “what I wished I knew then that I know now.”  I learn every day.  I see this as being a never ending supply of random, interesting, thought provoking, ah-ha and wtf topics.

You, in!?!  High Five!

I love people, well most of them, life, adventure and quiet. I never ask people what they do, because what you do is not who you are. I look for people who are kind and try to be mindful of my own kindness. I don’t think anyone should go hungry and I really wish I could be a “Guy” for just one day. 

A big "Shout Out" to my Jessi for her encouragement and helping me get started.  I’m excited to be here and I think this is going to be fun!